


Warm Me Up

by ButterflyGhost



Series: Cold Outside [3]
Category: due South
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 04:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray and Benny reach an understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warm Me Up

By the time they got to Benny’s cabin Ray was thinking that the trip was doomed, and they probably weren’t gonna get the damned thing started, let alone finished. But it turned out that surviving a plane crash was good for another week’s leave, and it hadn’t been that hard to wangle a few more vacation days out of Welsh. The Lieutenant on the phone rose to new acerbic heights, which obviously meant that he was delighted they’d survived: ‘I have to know, Detective, what malevolent spiritual entity did you and the Constable get on the wrong side of? It seems you can’t go anywhere together without risking life and limb.’ ‘Hey, Sir, it’s not my fault that Canada keeps trying to kill me…’ 

They’d hired a truck for the last leg of the journey, and all of a sudden Benny’s slowpoke driving made sense. You didn’t want to drive Chicago style around here… you’d slide off the road (if you could even call it a road) right into the middle of a snow bank. Or a mud bank… Ray’d been expecting snow, snow, and more snow, followed by snow. So he was surprised that in amongst the snow and more snow, there was also mud, flowers, sunshine and… well, the midges didn’t surprise him. Like he’d told Welsh, Canada was trying to kill him.

Benny was holding up reasonably well until they got to his father’s cabin. Ray’s mouth had been running away with him, the way it did when he was nervous, and… he’d maybe put his foot in it. The way he did when he was nervous.

“Benny, you keep saying ‘my father’s cabin,’ ain’t it your cabin now? I mean, I don’t call my house ‘my father’s house’, ‘cause it’s mine. You get the principle, don’t you? This is your place.” Ray wasn’t sure why it was so important for him to tell Benny that… it just felt as though there’d been too many fathers hanging around recently. And, okay, so he hadn’t seen his own since… well, since he told him to take a hike back there, after the plane crash, but sometimes he thought Benny had a whole bunch of ghosts in his head… he didn’t need an actual ‘phantom’ to turn up for him to be haunted.

“It’s my father’s cabin,” Benny said. “He built it.”

“Yeah? And when it got shot up, who fixed the bullet holes?”

“I did,” Benny admitted. 

“Yes you did.”

“But it’s still my father’s cabin,” Benny said, huffily.

Ray gave up on it. So, Benny’s Dad had been a piece of work… no way Benny could be so stiff and proper if someone hadn’t messed up somewhere. But he hadn’t been a bastard. And he could tell he was upsetting his friend, even though he never meant to.

“Yeah, Benny. It’s your father’s cabin.” He couldn’t help himself. He had to tag on one last comment. “It’s yours too.”

Benny had nodded, with that tight expression on his face, and if anything, slowed down even more.

“Don’t you wanna get there? Jeez, we coulda cycled from Chicago faster.”

“Better safe than sorry.”

“You know, this is my fault. I shoulda said, hey, Benny, let’s go up to your father’s cabin and fix the damn roads. How long’s it gonna take us to get there?”

“In one piece?” 

Benny was nearly smiling when he said that, and Ray looked out the window and laughed. But he watched him out of the corner of his eye, and Benny seemed… well, he seemed fine. Quietly cheerful, in control of things.

Which was usually a bad sign. 

When they came in sight of the cabin Benny put his foot on the brake, hard. Just sat there, staring.

“Oh, Jesus, Benny…” Ray’s voice faded in his throat. “I’m sorry. You know, it’s probably not as bad as it looks…”

Benny said nothing.

“Look, we can get started, and… I dunno. Might take two trips. What you doing for your summer vacation next year?”

Benny’s face twisted, for an instant, then went still. Far too still. His eyes were tight, and he was blinking hard.

“Jeez, Benny…” Ray put his hand on his arm, and Benny turned, abruptly, buried his head on Ray’s shoulder. Helplessly Ray patted his back. “Come on, let’s do this thing. We’ll park up, grab those axes, and kill us a few trees. Whaddaya say?”

“Okay,” Benny said, his voice muffled against Ray’s layers. He didn’t move for a while, and Ray’s hand floated up, hovering over Benny’s hair. He really, really wanted to… Nothing. Just pat his hair. Or maybe wrap both arms around him in a proper hug and kiss him. But if he did that then Benny might… and then he might… Benny might get the wrong idea. And Ray was almost sure that it was the wrong idea. 

After a moment Benny pulled himself together, sat up with his best face on, and started the car. “Ready, Ray,” he asked, as though nothing had just happened. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

And for once, the rest of the day went as planned. They chopped, they hauled, they measured up, and Benny showed him how to do weird, precise things to the wood so it would slot together like a jenga puzzle. Ray was having fun. Benny was having fun too… Ray was almost sure of that. When they’d got one of the walls properly mended, Benny stood back, hands on hips. “I do believe we’re going to get this finished.” He was actually grinning. He turned and looked at Ray with that big open smile, and Ray smiled it straight back at him and…

The shutters went down.

Oh God, Ray thought. I really, really hurt him.

That night they lay next to each other in the tent Ray had insisted on buying. ‘Great idea, Vecchio,’ he told himself. He couldn’t move without brushing against his friend, and as for Benny, he wasn’t moving at all. He was laid out like a corpse, and Ray knew it was… well, it was literally just a pose. He’d seen Benny fall asleep like that a dozen times, but as soon as he was asleep, his body would fall out of parade rest, and he’d do his tossing and turning, mumbling in his sleep thing. Benny probably didn’t realise he did that, probably thought Ray thought he was asleep, but…

“Hey, Benny?”

“Yes, Ray?”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Ray.”

Must be easier for the Mountie to tell lies in the dark.

“’Cause, I’m sorry if I…”

“If you what, Ray?”

“If I hurt your feelings.”

There was a peculiar noise in the tent, sort of strangled, as though Benny had changed his mind halfway through a sob and turned it into a laugh.

“What feelings?”

“Hey, Benny… don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to treat you like your feelings didn’t matter.” Hey, who’da thought it. It was easier to tell the truth in the dark too.

“You’ve been very good to me, Ray.” Benny’s voice was formal, as though he was reading a report to a superior officer. There was a pause, and his voice softened. “Too good. I know I don’t deserve it.”

“Benny,” Ray rolled onto his side, where he could see Benny’s silhouette. “You deserve everything. Don’t you know how good you are?”

Benny’s face turned toward him. Ray couldn’t make out his expression, but he could feel his breath, warm on his face. It didn’t bother him. “You believe that, don’t you,” Benny said. He sounded as surprised as if Ray had just told him he believed in Father Christmas.

“Yeah, I do.” Ray suddenly realised that he was petting Benny’s arm, a soothing gesture, like he’d use on one of Maria’s kids. He moved a little bit closer, and rested his forehead against Benny’s. 

“You’re a good man. The best.”

Benny kissed him. Oh, Jesus… not like his first timid kiss, more like a… his tongue was pushing, trying to gain entrance, and Ray pulled back.

“I’m sorry, Benny. I can’t.”

Benny made a noise then that was definitely a sob, and sat up abruptly, shoving his way out of his sleeping bag, unzipping the tent.

“Hey, Benny,” Ray made a grab for him, got hold of his arm. “You’re in your long johns. Where do you think you’re going? Get back in here.”

“I need… I just need…”

“Come back in, Jeez, Benny… It’s cold outside.”

Benny didn’t move, one hand still holding the tent flap open. Ray reached out, gently, drew his arm back down, pulled him back into the tent. Zipped up the damn flap.

Benny was breathing hard. Ray pulled the sleeping bag over him as best he could, scrambled back into his own. 

“I’m sorry, Ray. You’re shivering.”

“Well, yeah. Like I said. Cold outside.”

A long silence, and Benny rolled onto his side. In a very little voice, he said, “warm me up?”

“Benny,” Ray sighed. “You know I love you…”

“But?”

“But nothing. I love you. You gotta know that. I mean… I can’t do this. But… there’s someone out there for you. Somewhere.”

Benny didn’t say anything. 

“Come here,” Ray said, gruffly, and gave him a hug. “Tu sei la mia famiglia.”

“You mean that?”

Figured Benny’d understand Italian. He’d have to warn Ma and Frannie… Ray found himself smiling.

“Yeah, I mean it. And… I gotta say this, ‘cause you gotta understand. I’m never gonna not be your friend.”

Ray felt Benny’s head nodding against his shoulder.

“I love you too, Ray.”

“I know you do.”

“As a friend,” he added, and Ray’s throat clenched at the pain in his voice. At the raw fact that Benny had thought he had to say it, to stop Ray from freaking out.

“I know that,” Ray whispered, and kissed Benny’s hair. “Me too. I’m always gonna be here for you.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, Benny. As a friend.”


End file.
